My heart aches, I

I feel my heart ache.
In the rockpaved village streets
where i still wander after two hundred years
far away from the ever wanting embrace of the many
on those wet and clammy streets i call forth the fears
and the dragons
the ghostly shadows that crawl in the dark corners,
feeding from the prey collected from tears of eyes blind.
spirits of melancholy, hear the cry of the son of the man.
That which gives birth to the evil that lurks inside,
aches my heart, torns my spirit in half, shredding, melting,
falling, to an unparallel void, an unforgiving emptiness of sorrow,
since my birth, that is, what makes it,
my birthright,
a depression of darkness, a hollow feeling of something missing.
Something that seems irreplaceable.
my heart aches.
A smile that makes happiness. A laugh longing to be heard by so many,
adored, loved, wanted. Peaceful sea reminds the face, the movements of a coordinated body,
like flow of a dancing ballet,
yet it is the surface already, a propylaea of the anger and the shadows and the pit of Hades.
my heart aches.
Set me free, bring me forth the calmness and the hesychia, the sword of conquering the demons of icons and haunting thoughts.
Where, where is the wooden key that unlocks a rusty old sheep gate?
who, who will be my seppherd if i ever needed one?
my heart aches.
None but myself, none but me can i overcome the obstacles, the great walls that are put by my masters, by my teachers and my friends.
A closed environment, bohemian rhapsody my life, lost no more. Cast to eternity!
My heart no longer aches-salvation. salvation.

Writer: Christos Koutsotasios
photograph: Christos Koutsotasios